Mary Sue, Gary Stu, and You

Hi, I would like to introduce you to two people I know, Mary Sue and Gary Stu. Mary, Gary, introduce yourselves, would you?

 

Mary Sue: Hi everyone, I'm Mary. I have long blonde hair and emerald green eyes and am so super hot but I only go out with Gary Stu. I am fluent in English, French, Spanish, Latin, Russian, Na'vi, Japanese, Swahili, Norwegian, Greek, Esperanto, and Mayan, and can play the flute, piano, cello, and guitar. I also get straight A's in all my classes. I have a very tragic past. My dad abused me because he always wanted a son but I ran away!

 

Gary Stu: I am 6'4, rugged, and the most handsome guy on the planet. I am the state champion at track, golf, swimming, fencing, and ski jumping, but like Mary, I also get straight A's. I don't play any musical instruments but I learned the clarinet in about 2 days last year and I have an amazing singing voice.

 

Thanks guys, you can go now.

 

Mary: Aww, but these guys seem so nice!

 

Gary: Yeah, I wanted to play Monopoly or something.

 

No, no, I insist. I have to load my rifle make dinner!

 

Mary: But I'm a world-class gourmet chef, at least when I'm not doing Olympic figure skating!

 

Sorry, but I'm just too busy.

 

Mary: Okay then. Come on, Gary.

 

...

 

No, I have no idea where those two loud bangs came from.

 

Don't these guys just sound like great characters? No? You're absolutely right, these guys are horrible characters. In fact, they're Mary Sues (Mary Sue is the general term since female Sues tend to be more common). Gary Stus can also be called Marty Stus, but I prefer Gary because it rhymes.

 

Let's look at some common Mary Sue traits here. Mary Sues (sometimes) will...

• Have physical perfection.
• Have no flaws, very few flaws, or flaws that aren't really flaws.
• Have a natural hair or eye color that isn't natural for the character’s species. Think just about every anime character in existence. (Author’s Note: I have nothing against anime or its characters, but you have to admit it’s weird.)
• Have everything in the story handed to them on a silver platter, and never have to make any sacrifices to get what they want.
• Have the ability to pick up a complex skill (swordfighting, gymnastics, clarinet playing) in an incredibly short amount of time (no Eragon, less than six months of training doesn't make you a swordmaster).
• Have tragic pasts, and a whole lot of angsting to go with it. Often times, one or both parents are dead, most likely murdered.
• Have the ability to do almost everything, even things that are totally irrelevant to the setting and story.
• Be liked by all. Any character who doesn't like the Sue will be portrayed as mean, jealous, or a villain. Alternately, they will be dead or reformed the end of the story.
• Have loads of people fawning over them (I'm looking right at you, Bella Swan).
• Never be wrong about anything.

Please note, and this is important, these traits do not instantly signify a Sue or Stu. A character may have many of these traits, but depending on context, the character may not be a Sue. For example, if your protagonist is a cuttlefish, his parents will have been dead long before he hatched.

 

Now, I know I talked about Mary Sue fear in one of my other articles, and while you shouldn't be stark terrified of making a Sue, you should be reasonably wary. Sues, although rarer than most people think, still aren't fun to have. No one can relate to a perfect character.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some bodies to hide dinner to make. I think I'll have some Stu... I mean stew.

Disclaimer: MaxHelmberger.Com does not endorse cannibalism.