15 Ways to Get Kicked Out of a Fancy Restaurant

1. Go to the kitchen with a label maker and start labeling all the equipment.

2. Pretend to be a waiter and ask people if they would like to try the new "homo sapiens soup".

3. Point to the bathrooms and say "I'll have what they're having".

4. Cry like a little baby and throw things when they say that they don't serve Big Macs.

5. Ask the waiter to roast his left arm for you.

6. Look under all the tablecloths, and when someone asks you what you're doing, say that you're looking for the One Ring.

7. String tripwires by the kitchen door.

8. Demand a salad with exactly 35.9627 square inches of lettuce, 100.028 cubic centimeters of peas, 7.34 cubic inches of carrots, and 467.582 milliliters of dressing, and threaten to sue if they get it wrong.

9. Order a steak, and when it comes, grab the steak knife and challenge the waiter to a duel.

10. If they have any vegetarian dishes on the menu, keep insisting that they can't be vegetarian because dead skin cells from the waiter and chef will slough off into them.

11. Ask for a food that isn't on the menu, and insist they serve it, despite all objections from the waiter.

12. If the restaurant has any "surprise" dishes, pretend to be a waiter and tell people that the surprise is weaponized ricin.

13. Stare at all the other customers and ask if you can have some of their food. Then go to the maître d’ and whine about how they won't share.

14. Say that you will tip the waiter with hitman services.

15. Order a vegetarian dish, and when it comes, demand to know where the meat is.

Note: If you try any of these, it's your fault, not mine.